"It was kind of sobering, to know that I was working so closely with that kind of evil. I was a little unnerved before, when I simply thought he had sold his soul to Satan for some Marlboros and Halliburton stock, but for him to actually be the son of Satan really frightens me."
When asked if the story might have just been a typical Cheney fabrication, the source was adamant.
"All of us in the administration could tell when the VP was lying. This wasn't simply a case of saying that Iraqis were directly involved in 9/11 or that there were bunkers full of WMDs. He was SERIOUS about this. I mean, good God, he shot his best friend in the face! He brags about it! He has pictures in his wallet of his best friend bleeding profusely, pockmarked with buckshot. What kind of person does that? And why was he using buckshot when he was hunting quail? He's evil, I tell you."
Pressed further, the source cited instances of unholy ceremonies at Number One Observatory Circle:
"I was at the Vice-Presidential residence late one evening, as I attempted to get up to go, Mr. Cheney looked at me with his evil eye and I was paralyzed. He took me to a large room, where he cut the throat of a live goat over an altar covered with pentagrams. He rolled around in the blood, laughing maniacally. I understand it was the same room that Joe Biden now uses for his keggers."
Vice-President Biden wouldn't speculate on what may have gone on at Observatory Circle during Cheney's tenure there, but did admit to replacing the "heavily-stained" carpet in the kegger room upon moving in to the Vice-Presidential mansion in 2009.
Mr. Cheney did not return repeated calls for comment.
